


Beautiful Boy

by DragonSgotenks



Series: Building my home with you [3]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Established Relationship, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mpreg, Post Mpreg
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-29
Updated: 2019-06-08
Packaged: 2020-03-27 15:52:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,880
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19016005
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DragonSgotenks/pseuds/DragonSgotenks
Summary: Jack comes into the world with a bang but complications from his birth will change the lives of his family forever.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Ok y'all this will be the angsty portion of our story. I just want to remind everyone that this has a happy ending.
> 
> Also this touches on what can be a very sensitive topic for some so I've put trigger warnings in the end notes. 
> 
> All mistakes are my own and comments or kudos are always welcome.

Dean sits.

His eyes are hollow and his throat dry. He can't stop his leg from bouncing up and down.

He tries to swallow a few times then bites his lip.

He thinks about Cas.

He thinks about Cas and the family they've created over the years. His sweet babies and their proud Papa.

Dean can still remember the day he found Cas crying in their bathroom. They were so young. But he can remember the fear and the determination and then the love. That was when Cas gave him his Claire bear.

He can recall, a few years later, sitting on the edge of their bathtub nervous and excited with Cas' hand clasped in his. Waiting to see if their latest attempt at getting pregnant had been successful. He remembers feeling proud and happy. Celebrating. That was when Cas gave him his sweet little Lenore.

And he can remember less then a year ago Cas clinging to him in bed. Whispering in the dark, saying that even though their baby was only 9 months old he thinks he might be pregnant again and would Dean stay home to sit with him to take a test. He remembers feeling blindsided, doubt, and then joy.

He remembers learning they were having a son.

He remembers feeling possessive pride watching his husband's body change again.

He remembers painting the nursery and picking out names.

This was Cas giving him a son they wanted to call Jack.

And now he doesn't know if he'll even get to meet him or see his husband again because he's sitting helpless in a waiting room, praying to a god he doesn't really believe in, and hoping some kind hearted nurse will take pity on him and give him an update.

Dean hits send on his phone and lifts it to his ear.

It rings three times before It's picked up.

Sam's voice fills his ear and Dean can hear the excitement and hint of amusement in his little brother's voice.

"Damn Dean you guys are really pumping them out fast. I figured Cas would be at least a few more hours-"

"Sam." His voice comes out broken and unsteady.

"Dean?" All the amusment has been wiped from Sam's voice. Now it's full of concern and uncertainty.

"Dean what's wrong? What happened?"

"I don't know," a sob breaks free before Dean can stop it.

"I don't know Sammy, we were talking and things were fine. Cas was getting hit pretty hard with contractions but he was handling it. Then the monitors started going nuts and he got really pale and just passed out.

Then there were all these people rushing in and...and...there was blood, so much blood. And then the doctor was there, Sam, and he was saying something about a hemorrhage."

Dean can feel his control slipping.

"Cas is in surgery and I don't even know if he's going to live or if Jack is alright. I don't know Sammy. I just...I just need you. I need you here.

If he dies, _god Sammy_ , if Cas dies I don't know what I'll do. What will I tell the girls. Lenore is still so little. Fuck _fuck_!"

"Dean, Dean calm down. Take a deep breath, breathe, I'm on my way ok. Just hold on. Are the girls still with Bobby and Ellen?"

Dean tries to get a hold of himself and takes slow deliberate breaths.

"Yeah, yeah Bobby has them."

"Ok Dean, just hold on I'll be there in 15 minutes."

* * *

 

Sam is freaking out.

Shit how was he going to keep it together for his brother.

Cas was everything to Dean. He had been ever since they were 16 years old and paired together for a science project. It only took a week for Dean to develop his first, real, boy crush on his partner and they had pretty much been inseparable ever since.

It actually takes him 20 minutes to get to the hospital and by the time he finds Dean in the waiting room he has somehow managed to collect himself into something resembling calm.

Dean looks up and he looks totally wrecked.

He stands and Sam doesn't even slow down just slams into him and wraps his brother in the tightest hug he can manage. As if he could keep him from shattering with his arms alone.

Dean starts to shake and soon great racking sobs follow.

Sam just squeezes him tight and sways gently. He doesn't try to speak, he's not sure what he'd say anyway, just holds Dean till he starts to calm.

Once Dean seems to be a little more in control of himself Sam pulls back but keeps a hand on his shoulder.

"Have you heard anything?"

"Yeah, yeah Sammy. The Doctor came out to talk to me about ten minutes after I called you. He said Cas is ok. He lost a lot of blood but he's alive and going to be ok.

He's out of surgery and they said I could see him soon. They told me Jack is good. He was in a lot of distress when he was born so they've got him on oxygen and they are monitoring him in the nursery but they said he'll be fine and once Cas wakes up they'll bring him in."

" _Fuck_ , fuck Dean, that's good. That's so good to hear."

Sam feels like he needs a minute for his emotions to figure themselves out. He was so wired for bad news it's like he can't take in the relief yet.

Before he can say anything else though Dean keeps talking.

"There were complications though Sammy. They couldn't stop the bleeding. They...they had to do a hysterectomy. I had to, _fuck_! I had to give them my permission to do it."

Dean looks up at him with lost watery eyes.

"He's going to be heartbroken Sammy. He always wanted this crazy big family, and  _jesus_ so did I, and now I took that from him. But jesus I couldn't lose him. I couldn't lose him Sam but what if he never forgives me for taking this from him. What if he hates me for it"

"Oh Dean, oh no, _no_. He won't hate you, he could never hate you. Look; will he be sad? Fuck yes. That is something he will have to grieve and come to terms with.

Both of you will need to heal after this but Dean do you really think that given the choice Cas would choose the possibility of getting pregnant over being able to watch his actual children grow up?"

Dean stands in silence but gives his head a small shake.

Sam gives his shoulder a squeeze.

He doesn't know what to say to help Dean and he's not really sure there _is_ anything he can say.

Suddenly there is a nurse in green scrubs standing next to them.

"Mr. Winchester? I can take you to see your husband now."

Dean clears his throat and tries to wipe his face clean of tears.

"Right, yes, lets go."

Dean turns to him and grips his arm. "Thank you Sammy. For everything."

"Yeah of course Dean. Of course."

Sam can feel his heart clenching in his chest. As he watches his brother walk down the hall. 

* * *

 

Dean steps into Cas' room and has to fight hard not to break down again.

His husband, his sweet Cas, the strongest man he knows looks so fragile laying in his hospital bed.

He's pale and so still.

Dean almost lost him. He almost lost Cas and he had been completely helpless to stop it.

He takes a deep breath trying to calm himself before he settles on the edge of Cas' bed.

He folds one of his hands around Cas' slender fingers and leans over to stroke the hair off Cas' forehead.

"Hey baby," he's whispering.

"Cas, sweetheart? Are you with me baby?"

Cas starts to stir. Letting out groggy moans. He's on some pretty heavy meds so he shouldn't be feeling any pain.

Dean keeps brushing his fingers along Cas' forehead then along his cheeks. His thumb brushes his bottom lip then he starts back at the top.

Finally Cas cracks his eyes open.

"Dean?"

He can't stop the tears of relief, he thought he was never going to hear Cas' voice again, but he holds it together otherwise.

"Cas," it's all he can manage at the moment and Dean drops his head low till he can press it into Cas' shoulder.

He hasn't let go of Cas' hand and he wonders if he's squeezing to hard.

Cas sucks in a sharp breath and stiffens suddenly.

"Dean...Dean where is the baby? Dean, _where_ is Jack? Oh god,  _oh god,_ I lost him. I lost him didn't I?"

Cas is breaking down fast and Dean is so shocked that it takes longer then it should for him to react.

"NO! No, baby, no Jack is fine. He's okay. You didn't lose him."

Cas stops but the look he gives Dean seems wary still.

"You were bleeding so much Cas. They had to take you in for a caesarion. Jack was fine but he was under a lot of stress so they wanted to keep an eye on him until you woke up."

"Okay. okay that makes sense. Can..can you ask them to bring him now then? I don't think I'll be able to settle till I can see him."

" Yes of course Cas, of course. But Cas, baby listen."

Dean licks his lips and can't meet his husband's eyes.

"I was so scared. I thought I was going to lose you. I almost did. You were bleeding so much and they couldn't stop it. I..I had to sign a waiver. You have to understand Cas I couldn't lose you. I need you too much.The kids need you. We love you so much."

"What are you trying to say Dean?"

Cas looks so small. He knows what's coming he's just waiting for Dean to confirm it.

"They had to take everything. A full hysterectomy."

Cas' face crumples and Dean gathers him up the best he can.

Mindful of the large gash in Cas' abdomen where they pulled his son from his husband's body.

Cas weeps.

He holds onto Dean like a lifeline and lets out his grief.

He doesn't speak just cries and cries.

When the tears stop and Cas has nothing left in him Dean sits up.

He gets a clean wet cloth from the bathroom and he gently cleans Cas' face.

He wipes away tears and snot and loss.

Then kisses his eyelids and his cheeks and finally his lips.

"I love you Cas, always."

"I know, I know Dean. I love you too."

Dean sucks in a breath. He can feel guilt eating his insides still but he shoves it aside.

Right now is about Cas.

About being there for him and he doesn't want to put any of his own shit on top of whatever is going through Cas' head.

"Dean."

"Yeah Cas?"

"I want you to find a nurse and have our baby brought here. I need to see him and feel him in my arms."

Dean springs into action. Cas has given him a task. A goal to accomplish and Dean will see it done.

He pushes the call button and soon a nurse is in the room. Checking Cas' vitals and talking to him about recovery time and what to expect going forward.

Dean excuses himself and finds another aide to help him get Jack transferred to Cas' room.

He knows Cas hasn't really processed everything that's happened. He knows it will take time, a lot of time, for them to recover from this.

But right now Cas wants to focus on Jack and Dean is more than on board with that.

He probably could have seen Jack before this, but he had been so consumed with his fear of losing Cas, that it hadn't really occurred to him.

They don't have to wait long before the nurses have Cas propped up in bed. A pillow on his stomach to keep pressure on his stitches and baby Jack cradled in his arms.

Jack's been deemed perfectly healthy and can finish his stay in Cas' recovery room until it's time to head home.

Dean sits on the bed. Cas is still pretty weak from the anesthesia so Dean slides his arms under his husband's to help support their son.

"He's so beautiful. Our beautiful boy."

"Yeah Cas he is. Takes after his papa."

Dean sits there with his arms around the love of his life and the product of that love.

Despite all the horror of the day all Dean can feel in this moment is grateful.

Grateful and happy that he gets another day with Cas and that they both get to watch their babies grow up.

Dean holds Cas a little tighter.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Keep in mind the tw from last chapter. There is also talk of what is essentially postpartum depression though it doesn't go into a ton of detail.
> 
> I try to catch every mistake but if you see any feel free to let me know.
> 
> Hope you enjoy!

* * *

 

Castiel looks down at the baby in his arms. Jack is sleeping soundly, a heavy, but comfortable weight in his Papa's arms. 

 

He's such a sweet boy. An old soul who hardly ever cries and has a tendency to stare at you like he can read your mind.

 

Cas loves him. 

 

He  _ knows _ he loves Jack, with all his heart, the same as he love his girls.

 

But…

 

But, sometimes, when he looks at his son all he can feel is sadness and guilt.

 

Sometimes Cas feels broken. 

 

Broken because he can't get over the sadness. 

 

Broken because he should be grateful he was able to carry the three precious babies he did. 

 

Broken because he can't give Dean the big family they both wanted so much.

 

Broken like his body is broken and can no longer carry life.

 

Jack's face starts to blur and Cas realises he's crying. Sometimes it seems like that's all he does.

 

The past few months have been hard on all of them.

 

Dean took an extended paternity leave so he could stay home until Cas was fully healed.

 

Castiel knew his husband meant well and was just trying to take care of him but sometimes all he wanted was to be left alone.

 

Claire could feel the tension in the house but she was able to spend time at school with friends and that seemed to help her adjust. 

 

Lenore was so young though. It was hard for her to understand why Papa was tired all the time or why he couldn't pick her up anymore.

 

Cas hated to see the sad look on his little girl's face when he had to tell her no. Dean was almost always there to scoop her up and distract her with kisses or silly faces. While he knew Dean was just trying to help it often left him with more guilt and oddly a bit of jealousy.

 

Cas knew rationally there was nothing to be jealous of. It's not as if Dean wasn't just as attentive and loving to the children before Jack's birth. It's just that they had a routine, a balance, that they had always followed and now with Cas on the side lines the balance was skewed. 

 

Cas just felt so out of control of his emotions. One moment he would be happy, enjoying his children, and feeling like he had a handle on things. Then suddenly he would be overwhelmed with sadness. Then the guilt would come. Guilt that he couldn't just snap out of it and be with his children. Guilt that he felt sad when there were people who couldn't even have one baby let alone three and yet here he was wallowing.

 

Maybe it was time for Cas to bite the bullet and see someone about his mixed up feelings. He didn't want to lose his chance to enjoy his last baby's infancy. Already months had slipped through his fingers. 

 

Cas held Jack close to his chest and kissed his head lightly and decided to talk with his husband that night about making an appointment.

 

Jack and his sister's needed their Papa and Cas could see now that this was more than he could handle on his own.

 

It was time to ask for help.

  
  


* * *

 

Dean watched Cas from the doorway to the nursery. His husband had a baby in each arm while he rocked gently. Claire sat at his feet with her giant stuffed crocodile squished in her arms. She was listening to Cas tell a bedtime story. One he had made up special for Claire when she was still very small.

 

Those first months home from the hospital had been rough. Cas had struggled so much after Jack's birth both physically and mentally. Dean had been out of his mind with worry.

 

Dean didn't always know how to help his husband and it broke his heart. All he could do was try his best to take care of his family.

 

When Cas had first come to him about seeing a therapist Dean had felt like a failure. Was there more he should have been doing? Should he have pushed Cas more? Tried harder to talk with him?

 

But he had pushed down hard on his own feelings of inadequacies. If Cas felt like he needed that kind of help, well, then Dean would make sure he got it.

 

Now seven months later Cas smiled more and didn't seem to carry the same weight of sadness around with him.

 

He had even started working on his art again.

 

Dean had also gone to a few sessions and felt all the better for it. They still had their moments, and they still saw Dr. Barnes every other week, but he could see that his family was healing. 

 

Dean watched on for a few more quiet moments  before he went in to kiss his husband and then each of his babies.

 

He sat on the floor and settled Claire on his lap to listen to the end of Cas' story.

 

For the first time in a long while Dean felt a lightness in his chest. 

 

He sat on the floor in the nursery, staring up at his husband, and smiling like a lovestruck teenager.

 

It was in this moment that a thought began to wiggle free from the back of Dean's mind.

 

* * *

Cas' face ached from smiling.

 

He had worried that Jack's first birthday would have him feeling sad but today has been wonderful.

 

The whole family was here. There was Bobby and Ellen, with Jack, sitting on the couch while Jo made silly faces at the birthday boy. Benny and his wife were chatting with Dean in the kitchen, while their girls ran around with Claire.

 

Sam had Lenore in his arms, bouncing her up and down, and making her squeal with laughter. Even the new guy from the garage Garth was here. Cas liked him and he was a hit with the kids, even brought his own sock puppets.

 

The weather wasn't really nice enough for grilling but Dean made a pot of spaghetti big enough to feed an army.

 

Jack was enthralled with all the people. He was a fairly quiet baby but he was always watching the other kids and figuring out how to copy them. He was the spitting image of Cas and most definitely had a soft spot for his Papa.

 

All in all it was shaping up to be a great day filled with family, food, and laughter.

 

Cas walked over to Dean and slid his arm around his waist. Dean's smile was radiant when he dropped a kiss to Cas' lips.

 

"How ya doing babe?"

 

"I'm wonderful love, should we bring out the cake and sing happy birthday?"

 

Later, after the cake had been eaten and the presents had been opened and the last guest had left, Cas slipped into bed with his husband.

 

Dean was sitting up reading so Cas tucked up to his side. Dean lifted his arm so he could snuggle in closer and lay his head on his chest with an arm thrown over Dean's stomach.

 

"It's hard to believe this will be the last "first" birthday we throw." Cas says it a bit wistfully.

 

"Yeah it is." Dean's voice sounds distracted like he's thinking of other things.

 

"You ok Love?" Cas lifts his head so he can see Dean's face.

 

"Yeah I'm ok baby. Just, ya know, got a lot on my mind."

 

Cas looks into his husband's green eyes. He decides not to push the issue. Dean will come to him when he's ready to talk.

 

"I love you Dean."

 

"Love you too baby."

 

Cas cups Dean's face and brings him down for a soft kiss that quickly grows into something heated. 

 

When they break apart for air they're both panting and Dean's smile has turned feral.

 

"Ya know Cas, I can think of one thing that would make a perfect ending to this day."

 

"Oh yeah? And what might that be?"

 

"I'll give you a hint. It starts with my mouth and ends with you riding my dick."

 

"And they say romance is dead." Cas gives Dean a flat look and soon they're booth giggling like school children.

 

"Sh, Dean, or we'll wake up the kids and then no one will be getting any." Cas says it between quiet chuckles.

 

As Dean begins kissing his way down Cas' torso he thinks that, yeah, this is a pretty perfect way to end a great day.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok this is it! The last chapter :)
> 
> Sorry for any mistakes and I hope you enjoy!
> 
> Also I forgot to say this before by the story title comes from the John Lennon song of the same name.
> 
> Also to help here are everyone's ages at this point.
> 
> Claire is 8  
> Lenore is 3.5  
> Jack is 2
> 
> Cas is 26  
> Dean is 27

* * *

 

Jack's giggles and Lenore's high pitched squeals fill the room. They're playing chase while Claire sits on the floor by the coffee table coloring.

 

Dean pokes his head in every few moments from the kitchen where he is making dinner.

 

It has been a bit of a hectic week. Cas had several meetings about his book series and Dean has been slammed at the garage. With summer just around the corner it seems like everyone needed their A/C units fixed.

 

After Cas' meeting tonight they have a nice long weekend to spend together as a family and Dean wanted to get it started with the perfect dinner.

 

After putting the casserole in the oven Dean goes to get the kids washed up for dinner.

 

"Alright kiddos," he claps his hands together to get their attention.

 

"Papa is going to be home any minute and we need to get washed up. That way we are nice and clean when he asks for hello kisses."

 

Jack lets out a squeal and rushes at Deans legs. He squats down and scoops up his son. Using Jack's momentum to lift him high in the air and spinning him around. 

 

They are both laughing by the time he settles Jack onto his hip.

 

"Me too Daddy! Up! Daddy up!" Lenore has a disgruntled pout on her face and Dean will never get over how much she looks like Sam.

 

"Hmm, I don't believe I heard the magic word baby girl."

 

Lenore's bottom lip sticks out even more as she crosses her little arms across her chest.

 

She gives her Daddy a stubborn look but reluctantly she mumbles, "Please pick me up?"

 

"That's my girl! Of course, Daddy would be happy to pick you up."

 

With a grunt Dean manages to get her onto his other hip without letting go of Jack.

 

"You too Claire bear. Clean up your colors then come wash up."

 

"Yeah Dad, just one more second, I'm almost done."

 

Dean feels a little twinge of emotion flair inside his chest. When had he gone from Daddy to Dad?

 

He keeps heading to the bathroom though because he's got two wiggly toddlers in his arms.

 

It takes a bit longer then he realizes because they are just drying their hands when he hears his husband walk through the front door.

 

Claire is already setting the table when Dean rounds the corner to the kitchen with the babies in tow.

 

"Hey Babe, how'd everything go?" Dean drops a quick kiss onto Cas' lips before moving to strap Jack into his chair and Lenore into her booster.

 

"Everything went great. We're on schedule for a release right before Christmas and after I finish the illustrations for Hannah's book I'll be done with side projects till my book is completely launched."

 

Cas rolls up his sleeves and washes his hands at the sink while he talks. Dean's listening attentively while bustling around the kitchen.

 

He gets the casserole out of the oven and sets it on the trivet in the center of the table (away from little fingers). Then he grabs the cut up veggies and fruit for the kids to nibble while the casserole cools. 

 

"That's awesome babe!" Dean takes a moment to slow down and bring Cas into his arms for a second slower kiss. 

 

"Have I told you lately how proud I am of you?"

 

Cas' smile lights up the room and Dean can't help stealing one more kiss before moving to gather cups to set on the table.

 

"Are you sure you don't want me to help with anything Love?"

 

Cas is dropping kisses on the kids heads, ignoring Claire's protest that she wasn't a baby anymore.

 

"Actually yes, could you poor the kids juice? Then I think we'll be ready to eat."

 

Cas pulls the juice from the fridge filling the kids cups before going back and grabbing a beer for each of them.

 

Then it's time to sit and enjoy their meal together and Dean lets himself settle into a feeling of quiet contentment.

 

He idly listens to the rumble of his husband's voice as he talks to Claire about her day at school. He watches as Jack concentrates on trying to spear his food with a fork before giving up and shoving a handful into his mouth with his fingers. He chuckles softly at Lenore who managed to get the juice from her strawberries all over her face.

 

Dean looked around and took in his family. Suddenly all the thoughts he's had swirling in the back of his head for almost a year now calm and seattle. 

 

He's not done. He wants more. He wants more of this chaotic domesticity. 

 

Dean decides it's time to talk to Cas.

 

* * *

 

Dean was nervous.

 

It's taken him almost a month to work up his courage for this even after he had decided to talk to Cas.

 

His husband was in his office working on some illustrations. He was a bit behind because the kids had been sick so he had told Dean he was planning to stay up late to get it done.

 

Dean gave a soft knock before entering.

 

"Hey Cas. Can we talk for a minute?"

 

Cas gave Dean a concerned look before laying down his ink pens and sitting up to give him his full attention.

 

"Is something wrong Dean?"

 

"No, no, nothing's wrong. I've just been thinking a lot lately and I wanted to talk to you about it."

 

Cas raised one eyebrow. Dean knew he was being vague but he was so nervous right now.

 

"Go on Dean. Take a deep breath, I'm here, and I'm listening."

 

Dean felt himself calm a little at his husband's reassuring words.

 

"Well, I've been thinking... about our family." Dean licks his lips nervously. "And all the things we used to talk about wanting when we were younger." 

 

Here Dean stops for a minute. He glances at Cas but has a hard time looking him in the eye before continuing.

 

"Specifically I've been thinking about how we always wanted more kids."

 

Dean looks up and just catches the brief flash of sorrow that crosses Cas' face. The events of Jack's birth and Cas' subsequent loss of the ability to carry still affected his husband deeply.

 

Dean swallows but his throat feels dry all of a sudden. Maybe this was a bad idea after all.

 

"Go on Dean," it's said quietly but Cas' voice is steady.

 

He takes a deep breath and decides to just plow through the nerves.

 

"Uh, well I was hoping we could talk about maybe expanding our family again?"

 

At this Cas actually perks up a bit.

 

"What? Like adoption? I would be open to that."

 

"Um no not adoption, not that I have anything against adopting, and I  _ would  _ be open to that. It's just um..." Dean found himself floundering. Adoption is a great idea it's just that this had been in the back of his mind for, well,  _ years _ now.

 

"I… I was um... thinking more along the lines of me going off birth control." 

 

The last part comes out all in a rush and Dean instantly feels a weight lift from his shoulders. No matter what happens now at least he got the words out.

 

Cas' eyes bug out and his mouth falls open. He looks completely shocked. Dean guesses he probably should have been expecting that.

 

Never once had Dean brought up the possibility of being the one to carry their babies. 

 

Growing up with John had seriously warped the way he thought of himself. The fact that he didn't end up an ignorant Neanderthal could pretty much solely be credited to his relationship with Cas.

 

While he had always admired and loved Cas for being willing to fill that role for their family, when it came to himself, he had never been able to shake the feeling of it making him less of a man.

 

But it had always sat there in the deepest part of his mind. 

 

"This seems rather sudden Dean. Are you sure you've thought this through?"

 

"Yeah Cas, I'm sure. I know I haven't really talked about it but I've been thinking this over for a long time. I've even discussed it a bit with Dr. Barnes."

 

Dr. Barnes was the therapist Cas started seeing after Jack was born and who, 2 years later, Cas and Dean both see a few times a month.

 

It's made them an even stronger family and Dean would always be grateful they found her.

 

Cas gave him a warm look.

 

"Come here Love." Cas leaned back, patting his lap in invitation. Dean wasted no time and quickly crawls onto his husband's lap. He breaths out a long sigh as Cas surrounds him with his arms.

  
  


"Thank you, Dean, for telling me. I'm happy that you felt comfortable enough to talk with me. To be honest I'm not really sure how to respond."

 

Dean tenses up. He knew he wanted this but he didn't really realize how much until this moment.

 

"Relax Dean I'm not finished. I can't say it never crossed my mind but you always seemed so opposed to the idea. I thought I was respecting you by not bringing it up. Now I think we have a lot to talk about. I'm not saying "no", but I want to look at this from from every angle. Also I think we should talk to Dr. Barnes together about this."

 

Dean lets out a slow breath.

 

"That...that sounds fair Cas."

 

Cas gives him a soft look and cups his head gently to bring him down for a kiss.

 

Dean feels hope blooming in his chest as he lets a tentative smile spread across his face. 

  
  


* * *

 

Cas watches his husband. 

 

He watches him as he bustles around the house doing chores. He watches as he plays with their children. And he even watches him when he thinks he's alone.

 

And while he watches Dean he thinks about what it would be like if they went forward with having another baby.

 

Cas isn't proud of the fact that his initial reaction to Dean's idea had been sorrow and jealousy. 

 

His own trauma coloring his ability to think clearly.

 

It had taken longer than he would have liked to work through his feelings. 

 

Now, as he watches his husband, he knows without a doubt he's ready to take the next step.

 

In fact over the last few weeks the idea of impregnating Dean had occupied most of his fantasies.

 

Cas had not been prepared for how  _ arousing _ he would find the thought of, Dean, swollen with their child.

 

The amount of awkward erections he's had to deal with are reaching teenage levels.

 

Cas decides that tonight after the kids are in bed he'll let Dean know he's ready.

* * *

It's pushing ten by the time Dean decides to call it a night.

 

It had been hell getting the kids to bed. They were all hyped up after Sam called to confirm he was coming for the weekend to visit.

 

Then Claire reminded him it was her turn to bring the class snack tomorrow. So Dean had left Cas to finish bedtime so he could run to the store. 

 

When he got home he realized there were still wet clothes in the washer. After switching the laundry real quick Dean makes up the kid's lunches too. 

 

Cas usually makes them but he figured he could take care of it since he was already downstairs.

 

Finally, feeling exhausted, Dean trudges up the stairs to get ready for bed.

 

When he opens the door to the bedroom Dean finds Cas sitting on the edge of the bed. He's still dressed and seems to be deep in thought.

 

"Hey Babe. Everything alright?" Dean sits next to his husband on the bed and draps his arm across Cas' shoulders.

 

Cas gives a little start before leaning into Dean's side and wrapping his arms around his waist.

 

"Everything is fine Love. I was just waiting for you. What took so long?"

 

"Oh you know how it is. I just got distracted with stuff around the house. I made the kid's lunches by the way." Dean drops a kiss to the top of Cas' head and rubs his back to slow circles.

 

"Thank you Dean. I completely forgot about it."

 

"So you want to tell me what has you thinking so hard?"

 

Cas sits up and Dean searches his face for a clue of what's going on.

 

"I wanted to talk to you. About your idea for expanding our family."

 

Dean sucks in his breath. He has been trying not to pressure his husband on the issue. Becaude as much as Dean wants this, it's really up to both of them.

 

"I want you to carry our baby Dean. I want that with you." Cas gives him a shy smile but doesn't look away.

 

Dean lets out the breath he was holding and crushes Cas in a hug.

 

"Fuck, Baby, fuck. Are you sure? Babe! I'm so happy! This is...this is awesome!"

 

"Yes I'm sure Love. More sure then I've ever been."

 

Dean is practically bouncing with excitement.

 

Cas chuckles and leans in to whisper in Dean's ear.

 

"Maybe we should start practicing? Want me to show you how I plan to put a baby in you? Want me to fill you up till your belly swells with life and everyone knows I put it there?"

 

Dean nearly chokes on his suddenly dry throat. The low rumble of his husband's voice has him plumping up in his jeans all ready and he moans low in his throat.

 

Nothing has even happened yet and this was shaping up to be one of the best nights ever.

 

" _Fuck!_ Yeah, Cas, yeah. Show me whatcha got."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Smut will be in the next installment folks ;)

**Author's Note:**

> Cas suffers complications during delivery that result in emergency surgery to deliver Jack and ends in a hysterectomy. 
> 
> Jack and Cas both live.


End file.
